Personal Journey - Part 2 Quietness

In this second entry in this blog series, I’ll share the thought process that led me to make some serious changes in my life to address this desire to improve my physical and mental health.

My mother recommended a meditation program on my phone that would allow me to do five-to-ten-minute meditations. I gave this a try and started meditating every afternoon; I knew I wanted something to change, but I just didn’t know what to do next. On the days that I could meditate, I felt a bit of a sense of peace and calm afterwards. Although this seemed to help me when I could get some meditation completed, I made excuses about why I was too busy to meditate. Imagine feeling like I didn’t even have 10 minutes to devote to my own mental health. Obviously, my priorities weren’t aligned with my behaviors.

I tried adjusting the time of day that I would meditate, but I fell asleep in the morning and evening before bed during meditation. I was easily distracted if I tried to sit outside during my lunch break and meditate. I was feeling like maybe I wasn’t built for meditation and I needed to start at the super basic and just learn to quiet my inner dialogue with myself. One of the last meditations I attempted had a theme that really stuck with me, even though I couldn’t stay focused once again on the actual meditation. The focus of this meditation was “Be where your feet are”. This thought was so profound to me; what a way to encourage yourself to be present at this moment. While I decided that traditional meditation was not for me right now, I took this message and forged a new path forward.

I started taking a walk during my lunch break, just something to get me out of my house during my working day. With the idea of “Be where your feet are” in mind, I decided to just focus on the things that I could see, hear, and feel while walking on my street. I set the goal small at first, I challenged myself to maintain this level of focus until the end of my block. As with meditation, if something outside of my observable world came into my mind (like a project I was working on or what errands needed to be done), I would jot it down on my phone and then keep walking. At first, I found it really hard not to judge myself for my wandering mind.

By doing these moving meditations, I was becoming more aware of my surroundings and tap into the benefits of traditional meditation. What I found more interesting were the thoughts that kept coming back into my mind and interrupting these meditations. I could find some themes (loops if you will) that my mind kept swirling around. When I noticed these intrusions to my meditation, I followed one of these to see if how these themes were affecting my mental and physical health. This brought me some clarity around some of the specific triggers of my anxiety and depression that I had been experiencing more during the pandemic.

Over time, I kept walking outside during my lunch break. Sometimes these walks were long and other times, they were just 10 minutes. I continued to challenge myself to “Be where my feet are” and would extend my focus time a block at a time. For now, I was still walking my block, but was struggling with much of the sameness of my block every day. I knew I would need to keep the interest, but wasn’t sure what would come next.

Presence can be a powerful thing. Whether it’s meditating, praying, or engaging in some other introspective reflection. What do you do regularly to “be where your feet are”? How do you connect with your true self, the version of you that’s buried under all the noise and worry of the day? If you already have a practice that creates those moments of presence for you, what is it?

If you don’t already have this practice, that’s okay too. Here are some things to help you develop this practice.

• How can you find that quiet space within yourself? Where the true you lives?

• How might you create that quiet space for just a minute or even 30 seconds if a minute feels like too much to start?

• When in your day might you find that time? Some suggestions might be in the bed at the start or end of your day, in the bathroom/shower, during your commute, or just walking throughout the day.

• How could you make this part of your daily routine?

• What might you learn about yourself with this practice?